Giles: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Maunal
by samshair
Summary: Was he knocked out again?  He'll come to, and be miraculously healthy afterward every time!  That's GILES, and that's not his only problem.


Wow, that was fast. I like Giles, personally. Dunno why. He's just cool like that.

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Giles: The Owners' Guide And Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the owner of a fully automated **GILES **unit. To ensure that you get the full use and benefits of your ex-watcher/store owner, please pay close attention to the following instructions.

**Basic Information: **

**Name: **Rupert "Ripper" Giles

**Date Of Manufacture: **circa 1955

**Place Of Manufacture: **Hellmouth Creations, England Division

**Height: **6'1"

**Weight: **Unknown

**Your GILES unit will come with the following accessories:**

Four collar-shirts

Three pairs of pants

Two tweed jackets

A pair of suspenders

A pair of glasses

Dress shoes

When you first open your **GILES **unit, he may stutter and polish his glasses WAY too often. It will pass. Or, the stutter will. Kind of.

**Programming:**

Your **GILES **unit is smart, a bookworm, and British, so slightly pompous, and can carry out the following functions:

**Researcher: **That book report you're writing in history can be pretty overwhelming with all those dates to remember, so why not ask GILES to write 'em all down? I'm sure he won't mind…much.

**Trainer: **He may not look it, but being a watcher to Buffy has toughened GILES up to the point where he knows enough fighting styles to teach you. Plus, your kicks won't hurt as much as the slayer's.

**Wizard: **Your unit is equipped with quite a few useful spells. Not as many as the WILLOW unit, however there is less risk in asking a GILES unit.

**Father figure: **If you need him, he's there for you- especially when he's unemployed and bored out of his mind.

**Your GILES unit comes with six different modes:**

Stuffy

Nervous

Ripper

Smart

Angry

Knocked - Out

The Stuffy mode is default, but GILES will open up into a more friendly/stuffy mode in about a week of knowing you.

Nervous mode is activated when GILES gets into those darned life-or-death situations. Someone will usually save him, or he'll get out of it himself.

Ripper mode is rare, unless your unit is spending a lot of time around the limited edition ETHAN RAYNE unit. It's nothing to worry yourself about, unless you notice your JENNY CALENDAR is acting a little (or a lot) evil.

Smart mode is also defaulted, but sticks around after stuffy leaves. It's pretty self-explanatory.

Angry mode is pretty rare, too, and easily avoided if you follow these guidelines: Don't overuse magic. Don't be an annoying Watcher's Council member. Don't kill BUFFY units in your spare time. He wouldn't say much, if it weren't important- he'd just make a 'clucking' sound with his tongue.

Knocked - Out mode could be considered almost normal. At least twice a month, you will find your unit lying on the floor, out cold. Reasons vary from being hit with a statue by an evil ex-watcher to being drugged by Buffy's mom. It's a surprise he hasn't woken up in a coma yet.

**Relations with other units:**

**BUFFY SUMMERS: **Being Buffy's watcher for three years, and then watcher-like-figure for two and a bit more made them tight. He's like a father to her, and there isn't much in way of arguments. You've got nothing to worry about with these two together.

**WILLOW ROSENBERG: **GILES will have nothing against WILLOW units, except when he's yelling at her for over using magic, where he really does have a point. Then they have bonding time in England. All in all, it's safe enough to have these two units with each other.

**XANDER HARRIS: **Xander doesn't ever really bother your unit, as long as he doesn't call him "G-Man", or get donut powder on his priceless books.

**ANGEL:** ANGEL kindly supplied the codex telling GILES Buffy would die, so he appreciates that. While he doesn't share Buffy's bunny feelings for the vampire, he doesn't have anything against him. Except for when ANGELUS kills JENNY. But he kind of forgives ANGEL for that.

**SPIKE: **Supporting BUFFY's opinion of him, GILES thinks very lowly of SPIKE, and does not enjoy his presence, whether he's chained to his bathtub, or dropping by his store every day.

**ANYA: **ANYA works for GILES at his store, and clearly enjoys it. She would like GILES out of the way so she could be the full owner of the Magic Box, but it's not as if they're in competition or anything.

**WESLEY WYNDAM PRICE: **GILES does not like the stuffy, controlling Watcher's Council or the replacement watcher they send for Buffy and Faith. Giles thinks he's a pansy, and couldn't care less for the man.

**DAWN SUMMERS: **Sometimes, DAWN can get on GILES' nerves, but what teenager didn't? There's nothing wrong with having these two together.

**Cleaning: **The **GILES **unit is fully capable of cleaning himself, so don't try.

**Energy: **The **GILES **unit would like three meals a day, but can go with only one if necessary. He also likes tea (unless he wants to be tense) and jelly donuts.

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

**Q: **My **GILES**' head popped off. And there's a creepy puppet running around my house! Is this normal?

**A: **You got the old version. We were still sorting out some bugs back then, including the Puppet Show fiasco, involving Mark succeeding in cutting off **GILES' **brain. Send him back in parts, and kiss the puppet to turn him into a prince.

**Q: **I told **GILES** to go on a date with **JENNY **already, and now he's spending all his time with her. Can I get him back?

**A: **You've lost him for now. He's in love. But he'll come back…possibly in February. Except he'll be depressed.

**Q: GILES** is creeping me out, and he says he's in the band Pink Floyd. I know he wasn't, though!

**A: **He must've eaten some chocolate. Go find an **ETHAN RAYE **unit, drag him home, and let **GILES** beat him up. He'll be back to normal soon.

**Q: GILES** is lying around the house being all useless. Can I make him get a new job?

**A: **No, he'll get a job soon enough. But if you want, you can make him do chores.

**Q: **My **GILES **unit was really quiet and shifty when I found my **BEN/GLORY **unit dead. He's guilty, but should I confront him?

**A: **It's not necessary to accuse him, and we recommend you don't.

**Q: **My unit has a plane ticket to London, and I don't know where he got it, or why! Can I make him stay?

**A: **Yes. Shred the tickets. But remember, he will come back eventually if you don't.

**Q: GILES** thinks he's married to **ANYA**! What do I do!

**A: **Find a **WILLOW** and smash her glow-y stone. It's green, not hard to miss.

**Q: **My family went to our doctor, and he said **GILES **is in danger of head trauma. How do I protect him from being made comatose?

**A: **Well, you could always put him in a sponge-y solitary confinement room, but that's expensive. Don't worry about him. On TV, they don't kill the father figure by hitting him with a wooden statue.

**Warranty: **With proper care, the **GILES **unit should live until the end of his days, or until he sweats to death from wearing so many tweed layers in Southern California. If you should become annoyed with his accent, send him back within 60 days for a full refund.

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So, yeah. Who needs main characters? I'm totally making Jonathan next!


End file.
